There is a connection between sexual fantasies and emotional needs, but not every fantasy has a deeper meaning. Therefore, logically, the question arises of what a sexual fantasy is.
Social psychologists and sex experts from world-renowned institutes and universities have done, are doing, and will do numerous research on human sexuality and relationships. They extracted significant and scientifically provable results from a reasonably credible sample of people. Of course, those results answer questions about favorite sexual fantasies, their deeper meanings, and the like.
The first question that arises by itself is whether sexual fantasies always have the same meaning.
Scientists say it’s impossible to make general claims about the reason behind each fantasy, and that’s because two people can fantasize about the same thing for entirely different reasons and from completely different angles. Human fantasies are very complex and vary from person to person. Therefore, what excites one person may not excite another. Quite logical, and even if you look at other aspects, not just sexuality.
Research has shown a connection between sexual fantasies and emotional needs. For example, suppose a person fantasizes about romance and passion. In that case, they may have a fear of abandonment because they want to soothe the feeling of insecurity that prevents them from relaxing and enjoying themselves.
One of the most common fantasies people have is threesomes, and Lehmiller said those people are probably attention seekers. Some of the study’s conclusions are that when they fantasize about sex with their partner and another person, they are also eager for fun and adventure.
If people, on the other hand, dream of their partner being dominant, it probably means they want to lose control. They want to feel wanted and for their partner to show them how much they want them.
The next question is whether every fantasy must have a deeper meaning.
Sexual fantasies do not necessarily always have a deeper meaning; it simply means that people are more open, creative, and eager for new experiences.
We must be careful when discussing sexual fantasy having a more profound meaning because not every fantasy has to mean something deeper. It all boils down to the fact that people like to think.
Also, people in their 40s and 50s who are in long-term monogamous relationships have been proven to fantasize more than younger people!
Top sexual fantasies
Each area has the most frequent and vigorous “representatives.” Such is the situation with sexual fantasies. Wondering which ones are most prevalent in the human population? At the start, we can say that the results obtained in numerous tests of sexually active people of the broadest age range – from 17 to even 87 years old, speak of some more or less ordinary things:
The professor concluded that sex with multiple partners is leading among the fantasies, reports the site “Psychology Today.”
As many as 87 percent of women and 95 percent of men fantasize about having sex with more than one partner, most often a threesome.
BDSM and submission became extremely popular after the book’s presentation and the movie 50 Shades of Grey. Since then, 96% of women and 93% of men have fantasized about submission and torture. Interestingly, almost all respondents had this fantasy.
Sexual adventures include oral and anal sex and other variants such as sex in a public place: so, in the park, in elevators, in bars, and the like. Also, the fantasies were focused on sexual novelties that the respondents had not experienced in real life.
Forbidden sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishes – as many as 60 percent of respondents stated that they were thinking about precisely this. Does this mean that “forbidden fruit is the sweetest”?
Partner sharing is a fantasy that involves exchanging partners, seeing one’s partner with someone else, and having an emotional and sexual relationship with multiple partners. More than two-thirds of the respondents of the scientific study indicated that they have such fantasies.
Passion and romance may seem like long-gone values of the human race. However, most sexual fantasies involve unrestrained sex, but many respondents focus on love and the feeling of being loved. Passions and romantic fantasies were tied to certain people. However, they were often not permanent partners of the dreamer, but former or even unattainable ones, regardless of whether these personalities are famous or completely anonymous, but who cause a certain excitement in the respondents.
Sexual wish list
In the 21st century, everything comes down to lists. Buy one, do another, and finish the third. So why not make a sex list? It doesn’t sound appealing, but sex therapists say it works.
So, they suggest making three lists:
- poses and things in bed that you believe you will like
- A list of activities you want to try
- A list of things you want to avoid
There should be at least three items on each list, and an unlimited number is allowed. Creating lists will help you agree with your desires, which are often forgotten as time goes by, and get to know your intimacy and boundaries better. In addition, you will have a sense of satisfaction when you cross off one of the items from the first two lists.
Now, you are probably wondering what it is that men would write on these lists and what is hidden in women’s desires. Well, let’s go through those facts as well:
What women wants?
- Outdoor sex
- Sex that he will record on camera
- Threesome sex
- Sex in public
- Dominant sex
- Sex with a stranger
What do men want?
You may be surprised by the length of the primary male fantasies because it is a common opinion that women are more emotional, imaginative, and inclined to idealize sexual fantasies. Based on this list, decide for yourself. Here’s what’s on men’s minds:
- Men enjoy long and wet kisses
- More than 50 percent of men love it when their partner grabs their crotch
- For them, one of the stronger feelings is when a woman rubs her breasts against theirs
- Many men like it when their woman licks and lightly nibbles on their nipples
- More than 50% of men want to try threesomes
- Men like sex in places where they can be caught because it turns them on
- Most men wish to record sex between themselves and their partner
- Almost 50 percent of men like sex games and role-playing
- Men love it when a woman says simple words during sex
- Many men have admitted that they love a gentle cuddle with their partner in the morning
- Most men enjoy sex in the shower
- More than 50 percent of men dream of being greeted by their wife naked when they come home from work
- Sex in a car is incredibly satisfying for the more vigorous sex
- About 80 percent of men said they like to cuddle after sex
- Ideal sexual intercourse, according to men, lasts about 30 minutes
- Many men have admitted that they are very turned on when a woman initiates sex
- Men are turned on when a woman tells them during sex that they are the best
- Almost 70 percent of men love it when a woman touches their anus with her finger
- Most men are turned on when a woman looks them in the eye during oral sex
- More than 50 percent of men want their partners to consent to anal sex
Taboo sexual fantasy
Sexual fantasy is one of the safest sexual aids:
- It provides complete control and privacy.
- You have no fear of being rejected.
- You can choose your partner depending on your current mood.
What’s more, the scenery is not limited by anything: let your imagination run wild and enjoy it on a tropical island, on a dining table, in a basement, on an airplane, or maybe in a car or a shopping mall. The only limit is your imagination!
Despite the unlimited freedom you have alone with your thoughts, the surprising fact is that people often imagine entirely “ordinary” situations and, you won’t believe it, with their current partner or lover! It seems that fantasies are usually profoundly grounded in reality. Who would have thought of such a thing?
Even today, sexual fantasies remain one of the most powerful taboos that people don’t discuss.
What would you say if someone pointed out that people who fantasize about imaginary lovers have pretty solid sex lives? Even above average! They make love more often, have a wide range of erotic activities, have more partners, and masturbate more often than those who do not fantasize.
The connection between fantasies and healthy sex is so intense that it is considered unhealthy not to have sexual fantasies. Researchers who have studied sexual fantasies confirm that everyone sometimes fantasizes, from adolescence to old age.
About 5% of men and women claim they have never had sexual fantasies (or don’t want to admit them). It is assumed, however, that they get their dose of unreal sex from watching adult films or ignoring their thoughts.
Most adults admit they had the first fantasy they remember between 11 and 13. That is when their accelerated sexual development begins because it is during this period that a ruthless battle between hormones occurs in the young body.
That is supported by the results of research in which respondents had to answer whether they thought about sex in the last five minutes. About 57 percent of boys and 42 percent of girls aged 14 to 15 answered yes.
In the case of older respondents, the number of those with a vision of sex was significantly lower: only 19 percent of men and 12 percent of women between the ages of 56 and 64 gave an affirmative answer.
At that age, it is more difficult to judge whether a person has or does not have a fantasy. Attempts to expose dishonest respondents have been unsuccessful.
Those who deny their fantasy have sex less often and enjoy it less, although the content of their fantasies is no different than those who do not feel guilty.
However, the truth is that even unusual and deviant fantasies should not be a cause for concern for healthy individuals. Indeed, we sometimes use fantasy as a prelude to later actual sexual enjoyment, but the path from fantasy to deviance is anything but straightforward.
Who fantasizes more?
One study found that men fantasize about 7.2 times a day, and women only 4.5. For each gender, two of those fantasies had an internal trigger. However, twice as many fantasies caused by an external factor were observed in men.
Internal fantasies probably arise as a conditioned reflex. Those fantasies that cause a high degree of excitement are later repeated with slight changes (something like a series), while others are erased from consciousness.
The most common fantasies involve sex with a past, a present, or an imaginary partner in various variations.
Sexual taboos examples
This includes unusual scenarios and partners, such as strangers or close relatives, and mind-blowing poses such as can be seen in the Kamasutra.
Scenes of sexual irresistibility
That includes unusual scenarios, partners, strangers or close relatives, and mind-blowing poses, as seen in the Kamasutra.
Fantasy of dominance and submissiveness
In these fantasies, sexual power is expressed either ritually – through sadomasochistic activities or physical force, as in rape fantasies. Such fantasies are surprisingly common.
Almost 44 percent of men admitted that they fantasized about dominating their partner. Other studies found that as many as 51 percent of women fantasized about being forced to have sex, while one-third imagined they were enslaved people who “had to fulfill their partner’s every wish.”
Are there differences?
You don’t need a psychiatrist to tell you that men’s and women’s fantasies differ. Men have “Playboy”: women with large breasts bare their attributes in anatomical detail from various angles and poses. For women, erotic films are the most potent triggers because they often carry one crucial item – emotionality.
The romantic/genital dichotomy is not the only difference between men’s and women’s fantasies.
- Men often imagine themselves doing something to a woman, but their fantasy focuses on their partner’s body. Women are conceived as passive objects and concentrate on their partner’s interest in them.
- Male fantasies more often include sex with two or more partners at once. In one study, as many as a third of men admitted to having such fantasies, as opposed to half as many women.
- Both sexes imagine their partner in a dominant position and themselves in a submissive place. However, men are more prone to such fantasies. As many as 13 percent of women and only four percent of men admitted that their favorite fantasy is being forced to have sex.
- Men have a more decadent choice of “fantasy.” From the list of 55 fantasies, the male respondents completed 26, and the female respondents completed only 14.
Not much is known about sexual fantasies, but there is evidence that they are an essential part of our sexual repertoire. They are far from a sign of sexual deprivation and reflect a healthy and happy love life.
Although many erotic thoughts are ordinary, some higher flights of imagination allow us to explore our sexuality without the risk of hurting someone or experiencing rejection. For many, no better justification for fantasizing is needed than straightforward enjoyment. It is a natural part of the human being, and it is also comfortable. So why not indulge in fantasy?
Sexual wish list
Would you be surprised that the list of sexual desires directly correlates with the zodiac sign? Believe it or not – there are, and massive ones at that. I mention only a few of them purely to illustrate what is happening in the astrological world and hidden sexual desires:
Scorpio: As the sexiest members of the horoscope, Scorpios are ruled by their reproductive organs, so it’s no surprise that they are at the top of our list. However, that does not mean he will go to bed with everyone. Scorpios are picky and have high standards, so you’ll need to match your sexuality and emotionality with theirs to prove your worth.
Aries: Ruled by Mars, the planet of action, Aries often think about sex. Their libido is extreme because they are unusually passionate and always focused on action. Sex with them is guaranteed to be unforgettable, and it is a fiery experience that awakens an even stronger erotic desire in their partners. For Aries, making love is the most natural thing – like breathing.
Taurus: This sign enjoys passion and pampering. Ruled by Venus, the planet of love, Taurus is famous for its sensuality and romance. Their sexual desire has strong oscillations – either they will spend an incredibly passionate night with their partner, or they will want to be in his (or her) arms.
Pisces: Dreamers of the zodiac, Pisces, love romance and sexual experiences that help them escape reality. If their heart is safe with you, you are guaranteed an orgasmic experience. Their sexual desire may surprise you because they seem innocent, but they can quickly turn into beasts in the bedroom.
Lion: The fiery Lion enjoys being the center of attention, especially in the bedroom. Their libido will be endless if they are with a partner who knows how to charm and seduce them. Lions are selfless in bed and learn how to boost their partner’s ego, thus keeping passion at a very high level.
Cancer: Sex comes naturally to Cancer, although it takes a long time for them to gain trust. If you’re lucky enough to be trusted by Cancer, you’ll get a look at their personality from a completely different side and discover their inspiring sex life. The more emotionally connected they are to their partner, Cancer’s sexual desire grows, and their attention is diverted to their partner’s pleasure in bed.
Capricorn: Under the strict rule of Saturn, Capricorns have a reputation for being extremely serious and dedicated to work, but this does not mean they are not passionate in bed – on the contrary! Their legendary tenacity and dedication pay off when it comes to sex because they’re more durable than most zodiac signs, reports Popsugar.
Sagittarius: Always ready to flirt, Sagittarius often initiates sex for fun. Their libido and drives are strong, but they quickly get bored of it. Their partners must be aware of this fact and always keep Sagittarius interested in sex with some new tricks or sex toys.
Gemini: Ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication, Geminis enjoy talking during sex, so they’ll let their partners know what they want from them. Their sexual desire varies and is highly dependent on mood.
Virgo: Although often absorbed in their thoughts, Virgos are very sexual beings, making it difficult for them to fully present with their partners correctly. Because of this, they neglect sex and often put it on the back burner, spoiling them and making them feel frustrated and tense.
Libra: Romantic Libras always prioritize emotions over sex. Although they are great in bed, Libras like to feel harmony more than extreme emotions, so their desire for sex is much more even than that of other members of the horoscope. Although they will not pursue pleasure at all costs, Libra’s sexual partners will not be a problem.
Aquarius: The tendency to often be lost in their thoughts can lower their sex drive to a minimum. Aquarians enjoy making love primarily on an intellectual level, so even if they desire sex, it is not at all primary for them in a relationship. They are excited by an excellent academic debate, which they perceive as foreplay.
Teenage sex fantasies
Teenagers, full of hormones and unfulfilled fantasies, are ready to do anything to get their first sexual experience. Recently, the difference between boys and girls is not too big. Instead, we could say that it is aimed at different sides and views, but it all boils down to the same thing: to try as many things, poses, and other “insolence” as possible, to penetrate all the secrets of sex as soon as possible.
You may not believe it, but every teenager’s mobile devices are the most significant source of all possible and impossible fantasies. Is that all right? We’d say no, but that’s a fact we can’t escape. It is possible to find anything and everything on the Internet, so the only thing left for each individual is to choose what seems most attractive to him and to try it out with like-minded people. So, there is no more classic imagination like in the age before the Internet and mobile devices.
What do you think they have in mind? In this short article, we really cannot list even a tiny part. And you?